To the moon (and back?)

I have been trying to write this blog post for months.  Literally – I started it back in late December! There are a couple of reasons for why it’s been so hard to find time to write.  Mostly, to put it bluntly… I have two children.  For those of you who have two children, especially those of the sub-5 years old category, well… you know.  Those of you that are not similarly cursed blessed don’t get it.  “Surely, you must have some time to yourself,” you must think.  Oh, to be so innocent!

I’ve tried explaining what’s it like having two children to people who don’t; it is surprisingly tough.  Everyone believes they are empathic or experienced enough to understand, but it’s not so simple.  People don’t want to hear the hard facts because they too think that they would like to have 2 kids.  It’s such a nice, even number. 

[Caution to the reader: if you are thinking about having a second child, you may want to stop reading.  Also, if your name is Kathi Yenney, you may want to stop reading.]

Have you ever been to another country?  Becoming a parent is somewhat like traveling to another country.  It’s exciting, a bit anxiety-inducing, but also something amazing because you know it will be an adventure; you know it will make you a more compassionate human being.  Surely, the jet-lag will suck, but it will be so eye-opening too.  It’s not a life-and-death situation or anything truly dangerous (once you get past birth).

You might think having a second child would be the same.  Maybe a new continent this time, but nothing universally explosive, right?  But that’s where you would be sorely mistaken, my friend. No, having a second child is like traveling to the moon.  Not just shocking, but entirely mind-altering and intense on a level that really… well, it ought to require lots more familiarity with physics, plus training and preparation – somewhat like what astronauts get!  You need to be ready for a complete shift of your grounding, of what it’s like to breath, and of what it’s like to be hurtled through time and space.  I am not kidding.  Speaking of time, did you know it’s 2015?  Whaaaat? 

Of course going to the moon is not all bad.  It must be terrifying, but it’s also the opportunity of a lifetime and (very likely) shifts your perspective in a massive way.  [I don’t know – I’ve never been – but go with me on this one, ok?]  Again, having two kids is the same.  Terrifying at times, but it also forces you to be so full of love and respect for life, and your partner (if you’re lucky), that you couldn’t imagine undoing it all or never having traveled there.  Once witnessed, you can’t unsee it, you know?

I’ll give you some examples.  Lukas is sick this week.  He’s got an ear infection and, in all likelihood, is also teething.  To say that he is miserable is an unjust understatement.  What this means in our reality is that none of us are remotely well-rested, we are all short-tempered, and nearly all the time at least one of the four of us is screaming and there is food on the walls.  Tonight, Lukas yelled/cried at me for 40 minutes.  Have you ever had anyone scream in your ear for even 5 minutes?  It’s actually very much like torture.  Your brain is charged with chemicals and your mind starts to go to weird places.  Mind you – you are simultaneously trying to be compassionate! We need more sleep (desperately), I haven’t checked my personal email since I-don’t-know-when, and our house hasn’t been vaccumed in a month because Lukas’ needs are all-consuming. We are NOT at our best, people!  Any yet, like the star that she is, Reese is trying mightily to make Lukas laugh and to impress us with her quickly-progressing skills in writing and sounding out letters.

In another episode, Reese was unfortunate enough to get lice and the infestation lasted WEEKS.  We washed and bleached all her blankets (several times), threw away certain toys, bought new pillows, and treated her hair with more chemicals than you will find at Monsanto!  Combing through her hair, square inch by square inch, took dozens of hours off our lives.  After nearly 20 days, and too much missed school time, I had a tantrum in front of her principal and I threatened to shave her head bald.  Not my proudest moment, folks.  Despite the mayhem, Lukas cut his first 2 teeth and learned to crawl that month. 

Like training for a trip to outer space, parenting two children takes ALL of your time and concentration.  You have to be IN IT and be uber-focused.  You don’t have time for extra-curricular activities!  I have never spent so little time at work as I have in these last 4 months.  That’s ok.  But my social life has also never suffered to this degree and that’s tougher to bear.  I fear some of my dearest friends have given up on me since we were the parents of two.  [I’m looking at you CO’D, OGB, AH-G, KDP, and so many others!]  I want to respond to your emails, to chat with you on Skype, or to comment on your photos and witty FB posts… but I can’t.  Lukas just threw up on me or pooped his pants and Reese is having a tantrum about brushing her teeth or wearing mittens to bed.  As I write this, my shirt is covered with a Krispy-Kreme-like glaze of snot and cough syrup.  Making time to work-out or pretend to be “caught up” on groceries or vaccinations, much less smaller things like laundry or the dishes is a JOKE.

So, there you have it.  Please forgive us.  We’re not self-centered, we’re just overwhelmed.  We love you and we’re thinking of you.  We just can’t manage to let you know that right now, or to hang out with you this weekend, because we’re in 2-kid-boot-camp, changing diapers, juggling bedtimes, administering antibiotics, and trying to not to throttle our children or each other.  No big deal. 

Quoting a book we read, and adding her own interpretation, Reese likes to tell us, “I love you all the way out of this Earth, past the moon, touching the stars!”  It melts your heart, but sometimes, you also just need a break, want to feel a little less like an extraterrestrial, and want to come back down where the gravity is more predictable and you’re on the same page as everyone else you know.  Maybe, as spring break approaches and Lukas cuts his 3^rd tooth, that will be soon and I’ll actually get to watch that video you sent me back in November or post some photos of Thailand.  :)