Home for the holidays

(sorry for the 2 month delay...)

In December, we were lucky enough to be able to go home for the holidays.  Those words roll off my tongue (“home for the holidays”) more out of habit than from purpose.  I realized often that, for Reese, Shanghai was and is as much her home as Washington state is for Pete and I. I couldn’t help but wonder how much it might have confused her when we said this in our preparations for the trip.  She’s lived out of the US for much longer now than she ever lived there, so what on Earth did Mama mean when she said we were taking a big plane to go home for the holidays?  I wonder…

The trip, like every one we take back to the States, was both lovely and bittersweet.  We were there for just shy of three weeks, but it’s never enough time.   Inevitably, the jet-lag, the random flu or the exhaustion of pregnancy, and the travel shaves time off the vacation so that we really only had 2 weeks.  Of course, I ought to slap myself for being so selfish – not everyone gets to fly around the world for the holidays or be with their loved ones – and yet I always want more!

(above) You can't beat the love, or the drinks, in the Lidzbarski household.  Here, my Dad is being greeted by my cousins.  We were positively showered with kisses (so much so that there was no time for the camera!

We spent quality time with my parents, my brother, and my cousins.  Within minutes of arriving in my parents’ house, the one I spent ten years growing up in, we excitedly announced our pregnancy despite having been awake for too many hours and knowing rest was necessary.  Instead, in contrast to all we know about how to shake jet-lag, we talked for 2 hours and ate a grand meal at midnight… bites of deluxe ham and sausage from my aunt’s Polish deli, leftovers like you can only have at your Mom’s house, and random desserts you didn’t even know you were craving. 

In Walla Walla, we were treated to more meals at family and friend’s houses.  At one point, we were made a delicious baked (fresh, local) Northwest salmon dinner.  Pete and I ate greedily, happily never mentioning that we’d had the same meal the previous two nights in a row.  It was such a luxury— we were just grateful to have the taste in our mouths again!  We went once for taco truck, and Pete ate at the Green (I never made it, I was sick that night).  We drank at Public House 124, giddy with the memory of the place and smiling from ear to ear because we felt like we were locals still.

The weather wasn’t great, and we didn’t get to go walk around Bennington Lake, like I’d hoped.  Instead we spent more time indoors, with the people we love… just never enough time.  A play-date with toddlers here, a board game with family there, some casual TV watching with friends (pretending we do this all the time and it’s perfectly natural to be at your house on a random Tuesday night).  It was sooo good.

(above) At the Farmhouse, which Leanna has decorated beautifully... with Wyatt, Leanna, and Mom...

After having no real decorated home for Christmas, no magnificent trees, and no Santa Claus in 2011 and 2012, Reese was gifted with two Christmases this year!  In both Renton and Walla Walla, she was spoiled by grandparents and aunts, with horses, dolls, and clothes.  The kid had more presents than she could open and the love that obviously poured out from everyone for this little blonde girl that everyone missed was so genuine, it made my heart heavy to think of leaving once more.

(above) I can't begin to do this photo justice with a mere caption.  We have a series of about 20 of these, from the moment when she opened the gift, through to stripping off her clothes in front of 15 people then and there, to the spins she did and sheer JOY she got from this $4 thrift store find.

It’s a fascinating thing: going home for the holidays.  We are unconditionally loved and spoiled.  And yet, I always feel guilty and sullen afterward.  No one ever actually criticizes us for going overseas.  Less and less often, people ask “when are you coming home for good?”  They know now that we don’t know the answer.  Despite this, I inevitably leave every time feeling guilty and questioning our life and our choices.  No one does this to me; I do it to myself.  But, oddly, when we got back to our apartment in Shanghai, I felt both foreign and immediately at home.  Perhaps “home for the holidays” is no longer a city or a four-walled structure for our little Yenbarski family.  Maybe it’s the excitement of the back-and-forth and knowing that we are loved despite (and because?) we are on this adventure.